I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
