She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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