i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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