you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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