I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
