Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
