Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is wine microwaveable?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
