Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
