my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am full of burrito and curiosity
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I did not marry a roomba.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
