i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
