i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
