Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
