my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
