walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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