I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
