history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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