One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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