We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
