so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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