they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
