All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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