you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?