im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that