I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.