whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
