I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
