My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
