i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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