and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
