I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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