1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
