yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
