last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
