Tell her she can't have a vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
