she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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