Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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