He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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