what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
