I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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