No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
