Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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