I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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