This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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