It's Friday. Sex?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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