it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
