dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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