Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
