They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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