Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
