i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
