I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
