Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
