did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
