I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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