i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
