I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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