There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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