I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
