HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
