i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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