So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
