I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
