we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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