all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
