If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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