How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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