Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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