I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
