at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize