I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
