I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
